It’s confirmed, she is definitely pregnant.  Now a decision must be made.  You are overcome with worry for her. Then you begin to think about how this could affect your life.  Ultimately it is her decision, but you know that you have a lot at stake too.  There are so many questions that need to be answered.  Are you ready to be a father? a husband? How will it feel if she chooses to end the life of your child? Are you ready to lose her as your girlfriend? Do you love her?

All of these factors play a huge role in how this situation will impact your life.  It is important for you to stay calm, work through these things, and communicate them to her in a way that will comfort her in this time of crisis. She may be overcome with emotions and not sure where to go next. Many women make a quick and irreversible decision in the midst of their panic. Acting impulsively may lead to a decision that will cause pain and grief later on for both of you. 

As she considers parenthood, abortion, or adoption, you may be feeling scared, guilty, sad, shut out, or just plain confused. Even though you may be trying to be strong for her, your own feelings may be quite intense. Most women want to know how their partner feels. You may think it’s better to support whatever she wants, or you may not want to influence her too much. But, it’s important to tell her how you feel, knowing that ultimately she has to follow her own feelings. She does want to hear that you are concerned about her and that you care.

“I don’t want her to have an abortion.”
If this is the situation you have found yourself in, you have probably been doing a lot of thinking about your personal beliefs.  When you try to communicate your point of view to her, she may view your statements as your personal beliefs and not hers. This is when it is important to discuss with her the facts, especially the facts of fetal development.  Before she makes a decision, she has the right to know what exactly is forming inside of her. Encourage her to watch the videos in the What to Expect section.  Then go through the My Options section together and gather as much information as you can to make a truly informed decision.  If she is not ready to be a parent, adoption is a honorable and truly loving decision.

If you have been in this situation in the past and it resulted in the loss of your unborn child, we are very sorry for your loss.  Many men have been in your shoes and have grieved over the loss of their child. There is help out there to assist you in recovering from this experience. The Fatherhood Forever Foundation  http://www.fatherhoodforever.org/ and can offer support and information on how to deal with this difficult situation.

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