I had other problems though…I was the star player on the Varsity soccer team and we were looking at another successful season—my senior year. It was hard to tell my teammates— especially the senior girls—that I wouldn’t be there for it. Besides athletics, I wondered how I was going to finish my senior year. My due date fell in the middle of October. Who would care for my child while I finished high school?
But everything ended up working out. The girls on my soccer team threw me a baby shower. I had a beautiful baby girl that fall. I named her Olivia. My friend’s mom offered to take care of my baby so I could go to school. The guidance counselor at my school let me take fast-paced classes in the mornings so I could work in the afternoons.
It was hard to walk around my high-school pregnant. I noticed everyone acting differently around me when I walked by. At my small high-school everyone knew me as the star athlete. But I got through it with the support of my close friends. I broke up with my boyfriend…he was being immature about being a father and didn’t seem to love me anymore. I loved Olivia and every time I thought about the decision I had made…I was so thankful that I hadn’t considered abortion. The next year, I received scholarships and grants to be able to go to school and I moved away from home. The college I went to offered special housing and discounted babysitting for families. I was able to go to college and be a mommy to my baby!
I met another guy two years later who told me he loved me…and I ended up pregnant with my second child. I was shocked…not once, but twice? What was my problem? Hadn’t I learned? I mean, I loved Olivia…but I hadn’t meant for it to happen twice. Being exposed to the college-world and easy pregnancy prevention and abortion services…I now seriously considered abortion. I talked to a lady at an abortion clinic to get information about the procedure. That night as I fed and played with Olivia…I thought about the baby inside of me that I was planning on killing. I stopped thinking about me, my life, my decision, and thought about Olivia. How could I kill her baby brother or sister? Who was I to take away her future playmate?
My eyes filled with tears and I hugged Olivia telling her I was sorry…over and over again. I went to a pregnancy health center as soon as I could and got information about services and help. The woman I met with was so nice and really cared about me.
After I had my second child, Kylie, I decided that I needed a big change in my life. I thought that no one would ever want to be with me since I had kids and that I was all used up. Still, I decided that if anyone would ever love me enough to marry me that he would have to wait until we were married to have sex. I was done taking chances and putting my health and well being on the line.